Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Taking stock of my life
Sometimes, I get really really sad. Like when I'm driving to work and I can't find myself a good talk radio show show or when I'm in the shower and the shower mirror fogs up before I can get a good chance to look at myself.
Then I realize: Its okay Vanish, Zach Braff could have NOT starred in the number one television sitcom of all time. And then I realize that life goes by too fast to be upset. I decided recount a few of the things I am thankful for. In no particular order
Zach Braff: Zach, thank you for compiling music of the heavens, the voices of the angels. The "Garden State" sound track got me through high school.
Shark Week: What is it like to live in SHARK infested waters? Year in and year out, Shark Week reminds me what its like to live. And what its like to die.
Coach Mendes: Coach Mendes was the coach of the Stuyvesant High School boys track and field team. Thank you for not holding try outs and taking a chance on me. Before you, I was the proud owner of what can only be gently described as "man boobs" (I was a fat kid). Now I am skinny and lacking the hand eye coordination that most men gain during high school by playing REAL sports. Thanks coach.
These are just a few of the things that I am eternally grateful for. I know its a short list (everything in my life is so awesome i have a hard time not taking it for granted). I suggest you guys think of some things you are thankful for too. It keeps you from feeling too sad (and if that doesn't work, you can usually wipe the fog off the mirror)
As sincere as always,
Vanish
PS. Bottom.danger.locker@gmail.com is still open for suggestions.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Gym Notes
As most of you know, I have been logging a lot of hours in the gym lately. Somewhere between being built like a house and having the body of an Adonis, I have thought about the whole scenario of the gym a lot.
Gym note 1: I have noticed that the younger you get and the older you get, the less obliged you are to wear clothes in the locker room. I'm not sure why it is, but if that 95 year old man starts drying himself off naked underneath the hand dryer again I am going to snap.
Gym note 2: Why do people weigh themselves in the nude? "Shorts add an extra 2 ounces to my weight, so I won't even bother trying to hide the fact that my hands were all over my balls and then all over this scale"
Gym note 3: I don't have any gym buddies. I don't particularly want any. I enjoy hurting myself and moving metal bars around alone as much as the next guy, but sometimes its nice to have a spot. I am going to try and make friends. I'll report on this attempt in the next post.
Grover, out.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Finally a Weekend Trip
If I were to go abroad to some exotic country, I would go to African countries with awesome names, like Ghana and Sudan. I would do this so that I could say, "Whatcha Ghana do?" and "There I was, when Sudanly..." These are awesome. Kenya think of anymore? (see what I did there?)
I went up to Cornell this weekend, and met a lot of the new rushees/pledges. There were so many. Last I heard, we got 28 (JEESUS) out of 30 (and might get all 30). That is an absurd amount, considering the past two years we got 15 and 15 with me being 1/3 of the diversity. The guysI met seemed like good kids, so to any bros that read this: Great job. Too bad there is NO WAY I am going to learn all of those names next semester...
Regardless, I am excited for them. They are about to embark on a special journey, with cheap beer, cute girls, fast women, manhood and questionable encounters (with each other). I wish them luck.
Vanish
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I just bought a book by Chuck Klosterman
"there seems to be an inordinate number of movies about mankind going to war with machines (Terminator, AI). That plot device has always struck me as something of a cheap shot; as far as I can tell, machines have been nothing but civil to us."
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
is this how you pounce on life?
Yesterday, on my drive to work, I heard on the radio, "Pounce on life! Seize the day!" during a Viagra commercial ( I listen to old man sports talk radio in the morning). I'm worried that I am not carpe diem-ing. Between the riveting life as the metaphorical bottomlocker (chai-wallah for you slumdog fans) at an engineering consulting firm and my penchant for watching several episodes of the west wing when I eventually get home, I'm not sure I'm getting out enough.
Lately I've had an awful virus on my computer. I would run my scan and it would pick a few files out and delete them and that was cool. Finally I downloaded this new program (malwarebytes... i highly recommend it) and my heart leaped as it found 25 files in the first 25 seconds. I was very excited everytime it had a new hit and stayed up with the program for most of the night. I am definitely not carpe diem-ing.
Lovingly penned,
Vanish
P.S. Feel free to send feedback through the comments section or my e-mail address, bottom.danger.locker@gmail.com
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I start working tomorrow
Tomorrow morning I have to be in the office by 8 AM which involves me waking up at 6 AM. And because it is the first day of work, I need to be in tip top shape, ready to perform. Thats why I'm blogging at 11:45 PM the night before with no intentions of going to sleep before 3. Thats what I did before my 9 AM thermodynamics final, and I always say that if it aint broke, don't fix it.
For those of you who don't know, I am taking the semester off from college to work at an environmental engineering firm. Everyone goes, cool! where? I always answer the same sarcastic remark, "Exotic Westchester, NY." It is at this point of the party that girls roll their eyes and go talk to the guy moving to Mozambique for 5 months.
Exotic Westchester, NY. Because I wanted to see what the commute would be like I drove to the office last week. And thats when I hit rush hour traffic on the Cross Bronx Expressway. If you guys want to know where dreams go to die, it is the Cross Bronx Expressway at 7 AM in the morning. Seriously, according to wikipedia, it may single handidly be responsible for the decay of one of the historically embattled communities in the South Bronx.
But yeah, I am giving up 6 of the best months of a 20 year old male's life to be a full time intern. Luckily, this is going to be the awesome semester of Brendan and Vanish. His girlfriend is going abroad for the semester and because I repel most women, we are going to get along fine this semester. I only mention this because he hates to be mentioned in my blog. And there you go.
Hearts and Kisses,
Vanish
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Bridgestone: The Official Tire of the NFL
Seriously? I was watching a National Football League Post Season Wild Card Weekend Playoff Game (because I am such a masculine wing eating beer drinking pick up truck driving MAN) and I saw that Bridgestone was the official tire of the NFL.
Is that supposed to impress me or something? Other than that agility drill where you step into tires (This video is great because of its religious implications), how often does the NFL use tires?
Am I supposed to personally want the tires of the over entitled wide receiver that shows up late to practice? Some marketing ploys just don't make sense to me.
Forever yours,
Vanish
P.S. This was the first of many to come posts that are really short because I had something on my mind. It won't detract from the longer posts but I just could not stay away from the blog that long. I think I'm addicted to the internet.
P.P.S. Wow. Year high 4 comments (from only 2 people) on that last post. I want to post a lot now that I know at least 3 people read. Keep it coming!! look for a new post in the next few days!! Tell your friends!!! you can comment anonymously!!! don't spam me!!!! Exclamation point!!!!
Is that supposed to impress me or something? Other than that agility drill where you step into tires (This video is great because of its religious implications), how often does the NFL use tires?
Am I supposed to personally want the tires of the over entitled wide receiver that shows up late to practice? Some marketing ploys just don't make sense to me.
Forever yours,
Vanish
P.S. This was the first of many to come posts that are really short because I had something on my mind. It won't detract from the longer posts but I just could not stay away from the blog that long. I think I'm addicted to the internet.
P.P.S. Wow. Year high 4 comments (from only 2 people) on that last post. I want to post a lot now that I know at least 3 people read. Keep it coming!! look for a new post in the next few days!! Tell your friends!!! you can comment anonymously!!! don't spam me!!!! Exclamation point!!!!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Lets talk about resolutions
Salutations, readers. (I have yet to pick a suitable salutation, so for now I will stick with this vanilla one and hopefully one of you readers suggest something that I can actually use.)
In what can only be defined as a metaphorical flash flood of self doubt and subsequently self pity, I have decided to think of some resolutions. In the aftermath of the flash flood of misery (before I had written the resolutions) I realized that I am already fairly awesome and that I should just build on the pillars of awesomeness I have rather than try and make myself a well rounded individual (who would be so foolish?)
In no particular order, I'll list the resolution and then ask a question from your (the reader) perspective. Then I will immediately squash the silly question. If you have any questions, fire away. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people (that read this blog).
Gain 15 pounds
Reader:But wait, Vanish! What about your silky smooth body that has all the ladies asking questions? Won't the lean muscle that you worked so hard (20 years of not working out) to get be in jeopardy?
Vanish: There is no easy way to say this, but yes. You will no longer know this 5'9'' 140lb behemoth. I chose this resolution because I had started getting into the gym lately and getting a little bit of a muscle pump. While hanging out with Marina, Sasha and Felix, Marina and Sasha (and yes, eventually Felix) made the foolish mistake of touching my arms. Then they were unable to stop touching my arms. Later in the week someone told me I looked jacked. At least three of these four people were joking. Regardless, I could not get enough of it. It was like a hunger that you can't feed. I need to have people constantly feeling my body.
Buy a new car
Reader: But wait, Vanish! Does the Blue Stallion (read: 1998 nissan sentra. Debatably blue. might be purple) not treat you well?? Haven't you had some of the best memories of your life in that car?
Vanish: I did have some of the best memories of my life in that car. And while I am still holding out for it to secretly be a transformer in disguise, I am losing hope (and when the rest of the world loses hope, it will spring into action, saving us all). Plus I sort of need a new car.
P.S. I named my car Sebastian. But I did not want to repeatedly say "did you have fun inside of Sebastian" repeatedly during the post. There is something wrong with that.
I think Sebastion the transformer is the one on the right.
Watch all of the Seinfeld episodes
This has just always been a general goal of mine. This year I will make it happen. Out of all of my resolutions, this is most likely to happen.
Become really good at repetitive motion/ one motion/aim sports: Bowling, free throw shooting, darts, pitching, etc ...
Reader: But Vanish! don't you already have a money jump shot (or is that just from a blog you read?) and weren't you the softball pitcher for your summer team and don't you always run the beer pong table at parties?
Vanish: Yes. I already have a silky smooth jump shot. I don't care how you may say that I totally stole that line from a blog I read in my spare time, its totally true and I've always said it. I am also fairly good at free kicks (soccer) and beer pong (actually I am great at beer pong. Its all in the knees). I would just like to get better at all of these aiming sports, simply because you don't have to be particularly athletic to aim and shoot something. Some may say that this would put me well on the road to being that creepy old guy at the park that stands in the corner and drains three pointers because he is too old and broken to do anything else. To that I would say, sweet.
Learn a second language
Reader: But Vanish! It took you 20 years to get the hang of the english language! I'm not even sure you know whether or not to capitalize the E in english!
Vanish: You're right, but even with my broken E(?)nglish I captivate hundreds (7) of people daily(Results from the latest gallup poll state that at least a third of the 7 people I talk to daily are somewhat to mostly captivated by my use of the english language). However, I would like to double the amount of people that I captivate by learning a new language (or just confuse the 7 people I already talk to)
This would probably be second most likely to occur, only because I took Hindi 101 in the fall semester so I've already begun my journey.
Become really sweet at one thing
But I won't say what it is! Its a surprise! Maybe I'll let on... Or drop a letter of the thing I am working on once a month. I'll probably say it soon, so keep reading this blog...
yours truley,
Vanish
In what can only be defined as a metaphorical flash flood of self doubt and subsequently self pity, I have decided to think of some resolutions. In the aftermath of the flash flood of misery (before I had written the resolutions) I realized that I am already fairly awesome and that I should just build on the pillars of awesomeness I have rather than try and make myself a well rounded individual (who would be so foolish?)
In no particular order, I'll list the resolution and then ask a question from your (the reader) perspective. Then I will immediately squash the silly question. If you have any questions, fire away. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people (that read this blog).
Gain 15 pounds
Reader:But wait, Vanish! What about your silky smooth body that has all the ladies asking questions? Won't the lean muscle that you worked so hard (20 years of not working out) to get be in jeopardy?
Vanish: There is no easy way to say this, but yes. You will no longer know this 5'9'' 140lb behemoth. I chose this resolution because I had started getting into the gym lately and getting a little bit of a muscle pump. While hanging out with Marina, Sasha and Felix, Marina and Sasha (and yes, eventually Felix) made the foolish mistake of touching my arms. Then they were unable to stop touching my arms. Later in the week someone told me I looked jacked. At least three of these four people were joking. Regardless, I could not get enough of it. It was like a hunger that you can't feed. I need to have people constantly feeling my body.
Buy a new car
Reader: But wait, Vanish! Does the Blue Stallion (read: 1998 nissan sentra. Debatably blue. might be purple) not treat you well?? Haven't you had some of the best memories of your life in that car?
Vanish: I did have some of the best memories of my life in that car. And while I am still holding out for it to secretly be a transformer in disguise, I am losing hope (and when the rest of the world loses hope, it will spring into action, saving us all). Plus I sort of need a new car.
P.S. I named my car Sebastian. But I did not want to repeatedly say "did you have fun inside of Sebastian" repeatedly during the post. There is something wrong with that.
I think Sebastion the transformer is the one on the right.
Watch all of the Seinfeld episodes
This has just always been a general goal of mine. This year I will make it happen. Out of all of my resolutions, this is most likely to happen.
Become really good at repetitive motion/ one motion/aim sports: Bowling, free throw shooting, darts, pitching, etc ...
Reader: But Vanish! don't you already have a money jump shot (or is that just from a blog you read?) and weren't you the softball pitcher for your summer team and don't you always run the beer pong table at parties?
Vanish: Yes. I already have a silky smooth jump shot. I don't care how you may say that I totally stole that line from a blog I read in my spare time, its totally true and I've always said it. I am also fairly good at free kicks (soccer) and beer pong (actually I am great at beer pong. Its all in the knees). I would just like to get better at all of these aiming sports, simply because you don't have to be particularly athletic to aim and shoot something. Some may say that this would put me well on the road to being that creepy old guy at the park that stands in the corner and drains three pointers because he is too old and broken to do anything else. To that I would say, sweet.
Learn a second language
Reader: But Vanish! It took you 20 years to get the hang of the english language! I'm not even sure you know whether or not to capitalize the E in english!
Vanish: You're right, but even with my broken E(?)nglish I captivate hundreds (7) of people daily(Results from the latest gallup poll state that at least a third of the 7 people I talk to daily are somewhat to mostly captivated by my use of the english language). However, I would like to double the amount of people that I captivate by learning a new language (or just confuse the 7 people I already talk to)
This would probably be second most likely to occur, only because I took Hindi 101 in the fall semester so I've already begun my journey.
Become really sweet at one thing
But I won't say what it is! Its a surprise! Maybe I'll let on... Or drop a letter of the thing I am working on once a month. I'll probably say it soon, so keep reading this blog...
yours truley,
Vanish
Labels: Lists, New Years, Resolutions
Friday, January 02, 2009
Happy New Years kiddos
So the previous post was the description of a fella who had too much to drink one night, suffering a killer hang over. Totally what I expected myself to feel like New Years Day when I would fall asleep at some god forsaken hour (4? 5? 6?) and wake up at some hour of the evening by when the sun would have already set.
To make a long story short, after a few more people we hang out with showed up it basically became a party where it was us hanging out and SRG's friends hanging out completely separately. Our party consisted of us playing the Wii while their party consisted of them smoking pot and listening to the Jonas Brothers singing with out a synthesizer. A little while after these simultaneous parties were going, SRG's next door neighbor came in to check up on them (and gasp!) discovered their marijuana. She barged into the room that we were (now the six of us) playing video games and kicked us out. We accidentally stole their beer (we thought it was ours but in the car ride I remembered that SRG paid for about half of it...) and went to Brendans and celebrated the new years like older citizens (by talking and drinking).
New Years night was Felix's surprise birthday party (his birthday is on the first isn't that crazy) at his parents restaurant. There were good people, good drinks and good food. A solid way to ring in the new year.
Love,
Vanish
PS. I have been playing with the idea of starting a blog with Zach. We need ideas for a name.
Obviously this didn't happen. I went to some random girl's (hereby known as SRG) house party with Johnny, which consisted of her four friends smoking weed out of that little cardboard roll that wrapping paper is wrapped around ( the entirety of my sword-fighting experience comes from me battling my cousins with these the day after christmas) while Johnny and I played mario strikers on the wii (this game is pure gold, get it if you have the chance).
I'm a fighter, not a smokerTo make a long story short, after a few more people we hang out with showed up it basically became a party where it was us hanging out and SRG's friends hanging out completely separately. Our party consisted of us playing the Wii while their party consisted of them smoking pot and listening to the Jonas Brothers singing with out a synthesizer. A little while after these simultaneous parties were going, SRG's next door neighbor came in to check up on them (and gasp!) discovered their marijuana. She barged into the room that we were (now the six of us) playing video games and kicked us out. We accidentally stole their beer (we thought it was ours but in the car ride I remembered that SRG paid for about half of it...) and went to Brendans and celebrated the new years like older citizens (by talking and drinking).
New Years night was Felix's surprise birthday party (his birthday is on the first isn't that crazy) at his parents restaurant. There were good people, good drinks and good food. A solid way to ring in the new year.
Love,
Vanish
PS. I have been playing with the idea of starting a blog with Zach. We need ideas for a name.
Labels: New Years
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]