Sunday, January 04, 2009
Lets talk about resolutions
Salutations, readers. (I have yet to pick a suitable salutation, so for now I will stick with this vanilla one and hopefully one of you readers suggest something that I can actually use.)
In what can only be defined as a metaphorical flash flood of self doubt and subsequently self pity, I have decided to think of some resolutions. In the aftermath of the flash flood of misery (before I had written the resolutions) I realized that I am already fairly awesome and that I should just build on the pillars of awesomeness I have rather than try and make myself a well rounded individual (who would be so foolish?)
In no particular order, I'll list the resolution and then ask a question from your (the reader) perspective. Then I will immediately squash the silly question. If you have any questions, fire away. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people (that read this blog).
Gain 15 pounds
Reader:But wait, Vanish! What about your silky smooth body that has all the ladies asking questions? Won't the lean muscle that you worked so hard (20 years of not working out) to get be in jeopardy?
Vanish: There is no easy way to say this, but yes. You will no longer know this 5'9'' 140lb behemoth. I chose this resolution because I had started getting into the gym lately and getting a little bit of a muscle pump. While hanging out with Marina, Sasha and Felix, Marina and Sasha (and yes, eventually Felix) made the foolish mistake of touching my arms. Then they were unable to stop touching my arms. Later in the week someone told me I looked jacked. At least three of these four people were joking. Regardless, I could not get enough of it. It was like a hunger that you can't feed. I need to have people constantly feeling my body.
Buy a new car
Reader: But wait, Vanish! Does the Blue Stallion (read: 1998 nissan sentra. Debatably blue. might be purple) not treat you well?? Haven't you had some of the best memories of your life in that car?
Vanish: I did have some of the best memories of my life in that car. And while I am still holding out for it to secretly be a transformer in disguise, I am losing hope (and when the rest of the world loses hope, it will spring into action, saving us all). Plus I sort of need a new car.
P.S. I named my car Sebastian. But I did not want to repeatedly say "did you have fun inside of Sebastian" repeatedly during the post. There is something wrong with that.
I think Sebastion the transformer is the one on the right.
Watch all of the Seinfeld episodes
This has just always been a general goal of mine. This year I will make it happen. Out of all of my resolutions, this is most likely to happen.
Become really good at repetitive motion/ one motion/aim sports: Bowling, free throw shooting, darts, pitching, etc ...
Reader: But Vanish! don't you already have a money jump shot (or is that just from a blog you read?) and weren't you the softball pitcher for your summer team and don't you always run the beer pong table at parties?
Vanish: Yes. I already have a silky smooth jump shot. I don't care how you may say that I totally stole that line from a blog I read in my spare time, its totally true and I've always said it. I am also fairly good at free kicks (soccer) and beer pong (actually I am great at beer pong. Its all in the knees). I would just like to get better at all of these aiming sports, simply because you don't have to be particularly athletic to aim and shoot something. Some may say that this would put me well on the road to being that creepy old guy at the park that stands in the corner and drains three pointers because he is too old and broken to do anything else. To that I would say, sweet.
Learn a second language
Reader: But Vanish! It took you 20 years to get the hang of the english language! I'm not even sure you know whether or not to capitalize the E in english!
Vanish: You're right, but even with my broken E(?)nglish I captivate hundreds (7) of people daily(Results from the latest gallup poll state that at least a third of the 7 people I talk to daily are somewhat to mostly captivated by my use of the english language). However, I would like to double the amount of people that I captivate by learning a new language (or just confuse the 7 people I already talk to)
This would probably be second most likely to occur, only because I took Hindi 101 in the fall semester so I've already begun my journey.
Become really sweet at one thing
But I won't say what it is! Its a surprise! Maybe I'll let on... Or drop a letter of the thing I am working on once a month. I'll probably say it soon, so keep reading this blog...
yours truley,
Vanish
In what can only be defined as a metaphorical flash flood of self doubt and subsequently self pity, I have decided to think of some resolutions. In the aftermath of the flash flood of misery (before I had written the resolutions) I realized that I am already fairly awesome and that I should just build on the pillars of awesomeness I have rather than try and make myself a well rounded individual (who would be so foolish?)
In no particular order, I'll list the resolution and then ask a question from your (the reader) perspective. Then I will immediately squash the silly question. If you have any questions, fire away. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people (that read this blog).
Gain 15 pounds
Reader:But wait, Vanish! What about your silky smooth body that has all the ladies asking questions? Won't the lean muscle that you worked so hard (20 years of not working out) to get be in jeopardy?
Vanish: There is no easy way to say this, but yes. You will no longer know this 5'9'' 140lb behemoth. I chose this resolution because I had started getting into the gym lately and getting a little bit of a muscle pump. While hanging out with Marina, Sasha and Felix, Marina and Sasha (and yes, eventually Felix) made the foolish mistake of touching my arms. Then they were unable to stop touching my arms. Later in the week someone told me I looked jacked. At least three of these four people were joking. Regardless, I could not get enough of it. It was like a hunger that you can't feed. I need to have people constantly feeling my body.
Buy a new car
Reader: But wait, Vanish! Does the Blue Stallion (read: 1998 nissan sentra. Debatably blue. might be purple) not treat you well?? Haven't you had some of the best memories of your life in that car?
Vanish: I did have some of the best memories of my life in that car. And while I am still holding out for it to secretly be a transformer in disguise, I am losing hope (and when the rest of the world loses hope, it will spring into action, saving us all). Plus I sort of need a new car.
P.S. I named my car Sebastian. But I did not want to repeatedly say "did you have fun inside of Sebastian" repeatedly during the post. There is something wrong with that.
I think Sebastion the transformer is the one on the right.
Watch all of the Seinfeld episodes
This has just always been a general goal of mine. This year I will make it happen. Out of all of my resolutions, this is most likely to happen.
Become really good at repetitive motion/ one motion/aim sports: Bowling, free throw shooting, darts, pitching, etc ...
Reader: But Vanish! don't you already have a money jump shot (or is that just from a blog you read?) and weren't you the softball pitcher for your summer team and don't you always run the beer pong table at parties?
Vanish: Yes. I already have a silky smooth jump shot. I don't care how you may say that I totally stole that line from a blog I read in my spare time, its totally true and I've always said it. I am also fairly good at free kicks (soccer) and beer pong (actually I am great at beer pong. Its all in the knees). I would just like to get better at all of these aiming sports, simply because you don't have to be particularly athletic to aim and shoot something. Some may say that this would put me well on the road to being that creepy old guy at the park that stands in the corner and drains three pointers because he is too old and broken to do anything else. To that I would say, sweet.
Learn a second language
Reader: But Vanish! It took you 20 years to get the hang of the english language! I'm not even sure you know whether or not to capitalize the E in english!
Vanish: You're right, but even with my broken E(?)nglish I captivate hundreds (7) of people daily(Results from the latest gallup poll state that at least a third of the 7 people I talk to daily are somewhat to mostly captivated by my use of the english language). However, I would like to double the amount of people that I captivate by learning a new language (or just confuse the 7 people I already talk to)
This would probably be second most likely to occur, only because I took Hindi 101 in the fall semester so I've already begun my journey.
Become really sweet at one thing
But I won't say what it is! Its a surprise! Maybe I'll let on... Or drop a letter of the thing I am working on once a month. I'll probably say it soon, so keep reading this blog...
yours truley,
Vanish
Labels: Lists, New Years, Resolutions
# posted by xyz : 6:46 PM
Comments:
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Resolve to post more on this website - the drivel that comes out of it is entertaining and offers me starting points from which to give you advice on how to best live your life (e.g., know where next meal is coming from). I'll revisit in a couple of days to see if you're newest resolution is being addressed.
# posted by 
: 1/05/2009 10:45:00 AM
: 1/05/2009 10:45:00 AM
PS - English is capitalized. You can borrow the 'e' from the extra one you use in 'Yours truley.'
PPS - Add to list of resolutions a committed effort to make out with more chicks. Was it your freshman year when you were last awarded player of the week? Long time ago, indeed.
PPS - Add to list of resolutions a committed effort to make out with more chicks. Was it your freshman year when you were last awarded player of the week? Long time ago, indeed.
# posted by : 1/05/2009 01:53:00 PM
: 1/05/2009 01:53:00 PM
Dear Vanish,
You are so awesome.
Love,
Marina
P.S. I am sooo excited about the mention in your blog! :)
You are so awesome.
Love,
Marina
P.S. I am sooo excited about the mention in your blog! :)
P.P.S. You should add the following:
1. Drunk dial Marina at least once a month.
2. Visit Marina at least once this semester.
3. Restart ETC chain emails! And keep them going!
1. Drunk dial Marina at least once a month.
2. Visit Marina at least once this semester.
3. Restart ETC chain emails! And keep them going!
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